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Interested in a friendly, informative night photography workshop at otherworldly Joshua Tree National Park? Or the dinosaur sculptures of Borrego Springs? Join us under the stars.
The workshop will cover the basics of night photography, composition, creativity, tips, techniques, Milky Way, star trails and more.
This is a great workshop for anyone who wants limitless photography opportunities in the safety of a group environment. And you’ll learn a lot and have fun along the way!
Joshua Tree is a paradise for creatives, especially when paired with the night sky. Creativity abounds. The never-ending backdrop of alien landscapes guarantee an incredible creative experience.
I regard Joshua Tree as my spiritual home for night photography. With its Joshua Trees, alien rock formations, abandoned ranches and more, it’s easy to see why.
You want to photograph enormous dinosaur sculptures under the starry night sky, don’t you? I thought as much.
Borrego Springs, nestled in the heart of the Anza-Borrego Desert in California, offers a unique canvas for night photography enthusiasts. Renowned for its status as an International Dark Sky Community, the town provides an exceptional opportunity to capture the celestial wonders above. With minimal light pollution, photographers can explore the art of photographing the Milky Way and constellations.
One of Borrego Springs’ iconic features is the Galleta Meadows Estate. This features a striking collection of metal sculptures created by artist Ricardo Breceda. These colossal sculptures, ranging from prehistoric dinosaurs to mythical creatures, dot the desert landscape. They create a surreal and captivating setting for photography. As night falls, the interplay of these creatures and starry skies adds an extra dimension to these metallic giants. They are fascinating subjects for long-exposure shots, bringing an otherworldly quality to the desert nightscapes.
Quite a bit, if you wish. You may learn various light painting techniques, night photography, composition, creative and practical techniques, Milky Way photography, star trails, light painting techniques and more. All of this is presented in a very friendly, helpful, and accessible manner.
You’ll also be among numerous creative photographers. This offers you the opportunity to make friends, work together on photos, and share in the experience in a safe environment.
Furthermore, this isn’t one of those workshops where the instructors are inaccessible in the field. Both of us will be available throughout the evening to help, should you want that. Also, we will issue small 2-way radios to everyone, so you may ask for help or coordinate with others. This is for your convenience as well as for reasons of safety.
With personalized attention, you’ll learn to navigate your equipment with confidence and capture the celestial dance above the distinctive landscape of Joshua Tree and Borrego Springs. Immerse yourself in the tranquility of the desert night as you hone your photography skills. You’ll leave with a portfolio of mesmerizing astro-landscape photography and a smile on your face.
Timothy Little is a gifted nighttime landscape artist based on Cape Cod. Since 2006, he has used his moonlit and starlit photographic art to connect the natural beauty of “the Cape” with the inherent solitude of night. His portfolio is exclusive to night photography, making him the only area artist specializing in this genre. He also specializes in photographing abandoned scenes in the southwest United States.
His work has been featured on Space.com, the Cape Cod Times, Cape Cod Life, Visit Massachusetts, and several other New England based publications.
In addition to creating art, he shares his knowledge through group workshops and guided night tours.
I am devoted to teaching night photography, light painting, star trails and Milky Way photography. Whether that has been through the Night Photo Summit, my own workshops, or writing here at Photofocus, I hope to help you on your journey through night photography.
My photos have been featured in National Geographic Books, Omni Magazine, Los Angeles Times, Westways Magazine, and numerous other publications.
The workshop will run from June 6-10, 2024. For more information about the Joshua Tree and Borrego Springs night photography workshop, please click here.
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What is a grand opening? To customers, it’s the first day to check out a new business. But for a new franchisee, a grand opening is the first day of their new lives — the moment when all their planning pays off, and a new phase of hard work begins.
We wanted to know what that looks and feels like — so we decided to spend a day documenting it.
This past October, new StretchLab franchisees Michael and Rebecca Son were opening their first StretchLab franchise in Bothell, Washington, and were happy to welcome us in. Their franchisee journey began in 2022, when Rebecca wanted to reenter the workforce after several years of focusing on her kids, and Michael craved a new challenge after two decades in the corporate world. After six months of searching, they found their perfect opportunity — to open a StretchLab. The brand has over 400 studios across the nation, where members can get stretched out by trained “flexologists.” By starting an assisted stretching studio, the Sons felt that they could dip their toes into the entrepreneurial world while also helping people to relieve pain and stress and improve their performance and mobility.
Related: 7 Essential Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting a Franchise
Below, you’ll see photos from the Sons’ official first day open, and their recollections of the day’s excitement.
7:30 a.m. Preparing for the Big Day
For three months before Opening Day, the Sons ran a pop-up studio to give free 15-minute demos outside their store. Today was the first time people could come inside for the full experience…
Michael says: “Even a couple of weeks prior, I thought, Is this really going to happen?”
Rebecca says: “On the morning of Opening Day, I remember feeling that everything had finally come together. The artwork was in place. The benches were no longer in plastic wrap. The staff got there early. We came together and said, ‘Let’s just enjoy. We’ll figure this out. The goal is to keep doing what we’re doing.'”
Michael: “I could finally breathe.”
8 a.m. First Members Arrive
Michael: “We tried to give folks who had signed up earliest those first sessions.”
Rebecca: “I saw flexologists greeting members, saying, ‘Hey, Brad! How are the kids? How’s your golf game going?’ That brought me a lot of joy because it told me that our flexologists and our members were already building rapport. We have an open-concept studio, so visitors were seeing members comfortably getting stretched.”
Related: The 19 Covenants of a Standard Franchise Agreement
Michael: “No one was groaning in pain.”
Rebecca: “You could hear conversation, music, laughter. It was vibrant.”
8 a.m. to 12 p.m. Teaching, Learning, Connecting
Michael: “Assisted stretching is still a new modality. Almost every one of our members goes through that process of being unsure and asking, ‘Is this really something?’ It’s our job to help them through it.”
Rebecca: “I talked to a lot of members that day. They were telling me about people they knew in need of something like this.”
Michael: “For instance, I talked with a mother and her son, who’s an athlete. I got to understand that dynamic of a mother who cares about giving her son every possible benefit. He was super into it. It was almost like he felt this was something that no one else knew about.”
12 p.m. Party Time!
Opening Day is about serving new customers — but it’s also about celebrating the franchise’s new community. The party starts early.
Rebecca: “I just remember feeling super proud and wanting to get the team together to thank them for getting us to this point.”
Michael: “We had so many of the people who had been with us from the start, along with a mix of partners, friends, other people’s family, and other local store owners. It felt like a moment to hand it off a little and just enjoy. To some extent, you need to let things go to really see your business thrive. We’re still working through that process of empowering our team. But if you find the right people, success will come.”
Image Credit: All Photos by Peyton Fulford
Related: These Are the 10 Hottest Franchise Categories For 2024
Find the franchise that is best for you! Take our quick quiz and we will match you with a franchise that meets your financial needs, interests, and location.
A photographer has sued the Detroit Lions for allegedly using his photo of former football star Barry Sanders to design a statue of him.
According to a report by Michigan Live, the Detroit Lions unveiled an 8-foot statue of Sanders outside Ford Field stadium in Downtown Detroit in September 2023.
In a lawsuit filed last week, photographer Allen Kee claims that the sculpture of the former football star is based on an image that he took of Sanders in action during the Detroit Lions game against the Pittsburgh Steelers.
According to the photographer’s lawsuit, the Detroit Lions published a YouTube video about the making of the sculpture called “Sculpting Barry: The Making of Lions Legend Barry Sanders’ Statue” one week after the statue’s unveiling last year.
In the YouTube video, which remains online, a blown-up copy of Kee’s photograph of Sanders can be seen hanging directly behind the clay mold of the statue as the sculptors work on it in a studio.
At another point in the YouTube video, one of the statue’s sculptors also acknowledges that they intended to “recreate” Kee’s photograph in the statue.
“We have a photo that’s considered the most iconic running photo ever taken of Barry Sanders,” the sculptor is heard saying in the footage.
“That’s what’s being re-created in this sculpture.”
Kee, who has been a sports photographer for more than three decades, claims the Detroit Lions used his photo of Sanders for the statue without his consent.
Michigan Live reports that Kee, who was working as a freelance photographer when the photo was taken, says he was not an employee of any entity or organization at the time he created the photograph and did not create the image under any “work for hire” arrangement or contract.
Kee is now suing the Detroit Lions, as well as Getty Images, NFL Properties, NFL Enterprises, Fanatics, Dick’s Sporting Goods, McFarlane Toys, and others in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, for direct, contributory, and/or vicarious copyright infringement.
The photographer alleges that he never granted an exclusive license regarding the photograph to any person or entity, nor photograph sub-licensing to customers, along with other photographs he created during the same game.
However, Kee admits that he did submit the image of Sanders to “NFL Photos” — a licensing agency created, owned, and operated by the NFL that was dedicated to licensing and distributing photos by freelance photographers at NFL games.
However, NFL Photos ceased operation in 2004. Furthermore, Kee claims he did not relinquish his copyrights to the agency, created, nor did he grant the NFL or any of its subsidiary entities any license or rights to use the photo without purchasing an additional usage license.
The photographer is suing Getty Images for never giving them consent to resubmit his photo for relicensing and McFarlane Toys for profiting off three figures of Sanders figures allegedly based on Kee’s image.
Kee is asking for an undetermined amount of relief in the lawsuit, as well as a permanent injunction prohibiting the defendants from copying, displaying, distributing, advertising, promoting, and/or exploiting in any manner his copyrighted work.
Image credits: Feature photo via YouTube/Detroit Lions.
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A photography exhibition exploring modern-day rave culture and music subcultures is set to land in Manchester next month.
Tough Luck presents: KNEES UP heads to Smolensky Gallery in Deansgate, Manchester, on Saturday, February 10, from 6:PM until 11:PM.
The exhibition features photography from rave photographers including Laks, Cinshot, George Verinder, Marzuq Rehman, and Conor Fitzpatrick, with a look into “the world of electronic music and underground parties”.
Read this next: “Freedom and thrill”: The lockdown project paying homage to the rave
Hosted by Tough Luck, a photography archive documenting dance music cultures around the world, KNEES UP also promises insight into “the characters that make up this vibrant subculture through the lens of our extremely talented photographers”.
“Our photography exhibition transcends conventional art experiences; it’s a spirited celebration of music, freedom, diversity, and boundless creativity,” reads a description of the exhibition.
Tough Luck’s Jordan Taylore tells Mixmag: “Buzzing to be hosting another photography exhibition, this time in Manchester.”
The exhibition follows an earlier edition in London last April. Tough Luck will be donating a portion of ticket sale profits to The Photography Foundation, a charity organisation raising money for “less advantaged young adults in London”.
Read this next: How the original rave spirit is still driving youth culture today
“I want to create a space for people to not only to view an array of artwork from some extremely talented photographers, but a gathering in which people can have a few drinks, chat, and meet new like-minded people,” he says.
Tough Luck began as a lockdown project in 2020 from Newcastle’s Jordan Taylor, a film photography fan and a lover of “youth and rave culture from around the world”.
“I was missing that sense of freedom and thrill you get at raves and nights out, so it was a great thing to look back on and reminisce,” he told Mixmag in 2022.
Grab your tickets to Tough Luck presents: KNEES UP here.
Gemma Ross is Mixmag’s Assistant Editor, follow her on Twitter
Ryan J. Childress, local Westerville photographer, could have never imagined that a photo he took at his daughter’s Christmas parade would garner national attention and provoke a city-wide scavenger hunt for a man in a green jacket.
On December 3, Childress captured a photo of a gentleman in a green jacket saluting as the service flag corps made its way down the street, marching proudly in the parade.
“The man caught my attention because he reminded me of my own father,” Childress explained. “He stood in the cold wearing a retro styled bright green shiny jacket, and a cap to keep his head warm. I immediately smiled and appreciated his presence…At that time, taking a photo was not even on my mind, as my concentration was directed at the servicemen walking [in the parade]. It was then that ‘the man in the green jacket’ lifted his right arm to salute that American flag. Aware of what was happening, I quickly raised my camera and snapped off two shots roughly 20 seconds apart.”
When going through the photos later on, Childress realized he caught a touching moment, and asked around on social media in hopes that he could give the image to the man. Within hours of posting the picture to search for him, there were around 20,000 shares and 1.5 million views of the image.
“The post had become a movement that people could get behind. The story that none of us knew we needed. A search for a cute little man saluting his flag, so he could be presented a gift of gratitude for his simple gesture. A fairytale of sorts,” Childress emphasized.
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But even with the millions of views and thousands of shares, the man in the green jacket couldn’t be found, and Childress eventually started losing hope. After hundreds of leads later though, a family member reached out to him, and Don (the man in the green jacket!) and his wife Susan agreed they should meet in-person so that Childress could gift him the print of the photograph.
“We met at a local coffee shop and greeted each other. After getting a couple of drinks ordered up, we sat down together at a small table in the corner. We all looked at each other and began to laugh. We were bonded from that day forward. Together we had gone through the craziest week of social media that any of us had ever witnessed, and we were in the middle of it all,” said Childress.
Childress said that Don is, “exactly what we all hoped for; kind, humble, shy, soft spoken, and proud. I truly could not have asked for a better subject for one of my photographs.”
In response to the image, Childress began selling prints of it, with all proceeds donated to a local Veteran based charity called Honor Flight Columbus. You can check out Childress’ photos here, and even buy the print there, too!
Want to read more? Check out our print publications, (614) Magazine and Stock & Barrel. Learn where you can find free copies of our newest issues here!
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Dazed community member Lisa Michalik’s amphibian-inspired make-up is a tribute to the mysteries that surround us. In an otherworldly new shoot, she ”showcases the transformative power of unique and unexpected elements” in nature.
Working alongside photographer Kevin Drelon, Michalik took inspiration from the diverse beauty of nature and channeled it into reptilian looks that are unsettling, even while being visually striking. It’s a combination that is key to much of the make-up artist’s work. ”Today we no longer have any limits, beauty can be virtual, ugly, speckled, connected, sublime, or even controversial. We can all create beauty. We just have to know how to observe it and realise it,” Michalik told Dazed in 2020, while discussing the inspiration behind her grotesque and alluring grills.
For this shoot, she focused on texture, using pearl-like beads – which almost evoke the satisfying slime of frogspawn – to frame and extenuate the eyes. ”We experimented with a variety of materials, including iridescent fabrics, intricate metallic embellishments and translucent textures,” Michalik says. While framing the eyes is usually the role of the eyebrows, here they were bleached in order to create a fantasy similar to the reptile’s idle stare. Alongside Drelon’s illuminating photography, ”these elements were combined to create looks that gave the illusion of a second skin, blurring the lines between reality and fantasy”.
The shoot produces striking images to remind us of the beauty in nature and how unconventional this can seem on the surface. ”Our aim was to push boundaries and explore new possibilities while staying open to the inspiration that surrounds us,” Michalik tells Dazed, hoping the photos resonate with viewers and inspire a sense of intrigue. ”Our intention is to challenge conventional ideas of beauty and encourage individuals to embrace and celebrate their unique features,” she tells us. ”We want people to feel encouraged to explore new forms of beauty and to appreciate the visual diversity that exists around us.”
Understanding the source of inspiration in photography is critical for both budding and seasoned photographers. It’s not just about the aesthetic appeal of an image, but also about its soul and the story it tells. This is essential for photographers to grow artistically and avoid stagnation in their craft.
Coming to you from Justin Mott, this thought-provoking video challenges photographers to rethink their sources of inspiration. Mott emphasizes that many popular photography destinations focus more on entertainment than on the art of photography. He argues that this can mislead photographers, as these channels often lack originality and depth in their imagery, leading creatives to fall into chasing trends. Mott’s critique is not of the entertainment value, but of their limited contribution to developing photographic skills and creativity. He encourages viewers to look beyond the allure and to seek inspiration that pushes their boundaries and fosters genuine growth in their art.
Mott goes on to discuss the distinction between being good at YouTube and social media and being good at photography. He points out that many successful case are excellent storytellers of their own journeys, but may lack depth in their photographic work. This, according to Mott, can result in a homogenized, cookie-cutter approach to photography that stifles creativity. His advice is to explore the works of classic and contemporary photographers who are renowned for their storytelling through imagery. By doing so, photographers can develop a more nuanced understanding of what makes a photograph truly compelling and emotionally resonant.
His insights offer a fresh perspective on finding meaningful inspiration and developing a more profound photographic practice. Check out the video above for the full rundown from Mott.
Ask Scott Traseger to pick a favorite insect, and he’ll need a second. “It changes every week,” says the conservation biologist and president of the Tucson, Arizona–based Biodiversity Group. For him, it’s usually the one on an expedition that makes him stop and say, “Why does this exist?”
He’s attracted to the “weird, usually unloved, and unrecognized,” a predilection that, not coincidentally, the Biodiversity Group also shares. Founded more than two decades ago, the nonprofit’s mission is to foster a thriving conservation sector—from connecting far-flung nonprofits with funding and supporting research to documenting lost or undiscovered species through photography. It’s less about the fuzzy and universally adored creatures of the world and more about the prickly or slithery guys hiding in its cracks. (Tagline: “We Protect Life Overlooked.”) To date, it has documented 100,000 species for conservation and research purposes and discovered more than 40 never seen before.
One of the various ways the group sources funding is by imparting wisdom to amateur photographers and budding conservationists. Tresager and the Biodiversity Group also lead conservation photography workshops, taking participants to global locales in need of attention and showing them the best way to shine a spotlight. “I like to say that photography can open a heart, even if it’s connected to a closed-off mind,” he explains.
Wildlife photography tours, in which amateur shutterbugs travel the planet in the hope of bringing back photographic souvenirs of lonesome orangutans and slick leopards, are abundant. Google “conservation photography tours,” and it’s a short journey. But in an era where climate change is causing the extinction of species faster than we can even record them, participating in conservation photography can have direct, outsize impact. Photographs taken in the field can help secure funding for research and create positive change in the way of habitat protections.
Traseger, a member of the International League of Conservation Photographers and The Explorers Club, has a storied history of photographing rediscovered species in the wild. In 2014, it was an accidental picture of a thought-to-be-vanished snail on the Vietnamese island of Hon Cau, taken while he was in the region teaching citizen science on behalf of the Biodiversity Group. In 2018, it was the long-lost semitranslucent Mindo glass frog in Ecuador, a finding aided by his trained ears and eyes. “I knew all the frog calls, at least most of them,” says Traseger. “And this one was different. And [the frog itself] was physically very different.”
While many of the photo conservation tours that Traseger leads are in more remote locales like Vietnam and Ecuador, there are tours closer to home, including several workshops in Tucson’s Picture Rocks this coming July and August. Guides will focus on macro, telephoto, and landscape photography. They’ll also pull out something few amateur photographers have been privy to as of yet. The latest tool in the organization’s arsenal is the world’s only 3D scanner for live animals, a major game changer on rediscovery expeditions. “For the first time ever, we can collect digital specimens and not have to euthanize an animal to collect physical specimens,” says Traseger.
While the Biodiversity Group’s tours benefit their own research and conservation endeavors, other photography tours work by partnering with or donating proceeds to the nonprofit conservation groups of their choice. Education out in the field goes beyond the typical “how to get the best shot”—to discussions about sustainability, how to raise awareness, and advocating for protective measures.
When Jennifer Leigh Warner leads groups, she explains that it doesn’t take much to put your photos to work. “You don’t have to be a professional or have a really big following,” she says. “It’s as simple as donating images to a nonprofit or even just posting images online.” Warner, who sits on the board of directors of the North America Nature Photography Association and works with Wildlife Nature Tours, has had her images used in promotional materials for the Cheetah Conservation Fund; closer to home, her photographs of cell phone–wielding tourists approaching sea lions and harbor seals in La Jolla Cove, San Diego, during pupping season has had a direct impact on protections for their habitat.
As chair of the Ethics Committee of NANPA, she also has some insight on how to go about getting the best shot in the wild without interrupting the flow of nature: “It’s making sure that we’re not disturbing nests during nesting season, using calls or bait, or feeding foxes from roadsides, just things like that.” (You can learn more on NANPA’s website.)
As for getting that actual money shot: Grabbing a nice image of a photogenic polar bear is easy. But what about the creatures least likely to be made into stuffed animals? When Tresager is photographing wildlife, he thinks about the prejudices of the audience. Most people are afraid of snakes, he says, so your job is to overcome their fear and get them excited. A good picture highlights the snake’s beauty, or an interesting aspect, without being intimidating. A lil’ snake smile? How could you not want to give it money? Says Traseger, “If you take a photo of a snake and show it to somebody who doesn’t really like snakes, and they’re like, ‘Wow, that’s really cool,’ then you did a job well done.”
Conservation photography tours may not yet be the norm, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t options. This September, award-winning National Geographic photographer extraordinaire Ami Vitale will be teaching conservation storytelling photography in the Pantanal with Terra Incognita Ecotours, founded by Gerard “Ged” Caddick. “One thing that really sets his trips apart is the strong focus on conservation, and he always donates to local grassroots conservation organizations that are conserving the Pantanal ecosystem,” she says.
Beginning in February, Zac Mills, a former economist and governance expert at the World Bank and now founder and guide for The Wildlife Collective, will lead 10 types of tours, photographing gorillas, big cats, orangutans, and more in Rwanda, Indonesia, India, and Alaska. Proceeds from the tours will be donated to places like the Katmai Conservancy in Alaska, which works to protect Katmai National Park and Preserve. On his tours, you’ll not only be coached on photography skills, but you’ll learn about the conservation efforts behind each of the animal habitats.
“Many people never see a polar bear with their own eyes. They may never see an elephant with their own eyes,” says Mills. “But if I take a photo or a video that can provoke a reaction, someone who sees that video or photo may feel compelled to say, ‘Hey, I want to support this campaign.’”
It’s a refreshing approach. Rather than feel helpless amid doomsday climate change predictions, here’s a simple way to pick up a camera and do something about it. After all, you can’t care about what you can’t see.
My old modeling portfolio is filled with adult magazine pages. In one, I’m posed in a garter belt and towering heels on a 20-year-old magazine cover. In the pages of that issue, I’m a naughty librarian with a bun. My tight skirt is on the floor, and my blouse is unbuttoned. I pose with my legs spread, and I touch myself. I’m smiling, looking at the camera. In the last shot, I’m on all fours, holding a black stiletto with my tongue extended toward the heel.
I’m a cowgirl in another magazine. The sunlight is golden across my skin, and I’m nude, save for a cowboy hat and a skimpy denim vest. In another magazine, I’m “Girl of the Month.” In the “interview,” they say that I’m 6 inches taller than I am and a college student who enjoys sex as a form of exercise. In this set, I’m only wearing thigh-high stockings. My lips are full and glossy, and my legs are spread in every shot. I look at the camera without apology.
In those magazines, I knew what I was doing. The money was good. Anyone who looked at the photos would believe that I was pleased to be there.
The Photographer’s studio, an airy Chicago condo with floor-to-ceiling windows, had lots of natural light. Every room could be turned into a photography set by changing around the decor. Our shoots were professional, and a female makeup artist was always there. Her job was to ensure that I looked flawless and was attended to. I felt that way, working with The Photographer.
I was grateful for the work. I’d been modeling nude for years, mostly smaller gigs and occasionally with amateur photographers who paid well and understood that photo shoots didn’t come with any expectations of sex. The Photographer’s status made me feel special and important — part of an exclusive team.
I was single and had a strained relationship with my mother, who’d packed me off to foster care at 13 when the state told her to choose between her abusive, alcoholic boyfriend and me. I don’t think she could have known that I’d spend the following decades searching for someone to choose me.
The Photographer and I worked together so often that year that we became friends of sorts; I loved the attention, I loved playing dress-up, and I believe he liked working with a model who showed up on time and wasn’t on drugs or a diva.
I didn’t recognize the occasional mood swings I was experiencing as panic attacks. I had no other way to pay the rent. I was in my 20s, and I’d been posing nude since I aged out of foster care at 18. Without job experience, I was sure that nobody but a photographer would hire me. I knew my lifestyle didn’t hold a future for women past 30. I thought about this a lot. It was easier to ignore it and do nothing to take care of myself, another thing I was good at.
The Photographer and I talked in passing about me getting older. There were magazines featuring older models, but they were mostly triple-X and the women were always posed with men. I’d never done that and wasn’t willing to go that far. However, I knew this was ahead of me if nothing changed.
I never talked about my panic attacks; without a name for them, I just thought I was depressed and tried to ignore them. Our shoots were a means to an end: Magazines were resume builders in that industry, and I hoped they’d lead to shoots that resulted in more magazine work.
The Photographer suggested applying at Central Casting, an agency that hired models for advertisements, nonadult movies and television roles. I laughed at the absurdity of it. Central Casting was the real deal. No matter how many magazine covers I had, nude modeling meant nothing at that level. Central Casting models didn’t take their clothes off. I needed a professional modeling portfolio to apply. Hiring a photographer to shoot photos that could compete with agency models would cost more than $1,000. I considered the wardrobe, the makeup artist, a skilled photographer and the cost of the prints. A professional portfolio felt out of reach, and I didn’t know who to ask. The Photographer offered to shoot it for me at no charge.
This was a ticket out — a way to stop posing nude in front of strangers. I was so grateful to have him looking out for me. We set a date for the shoot and I shopped for clothing at a department store. I pored over women’s magazines like Good Housekeeping and Shape, fantasizing about posing with a blender and a canister of meal replacement powder in a bright kitchen. This kind of modeling needed a different smile — an expression that said I have not fucked up my life and this product is great. I smiled in the mirror for long hours, memorizing how my face felt until I could get it right without looking. I arrived at the shoot with an array of outfits that looked like they belonged to a stranger.
In the portfolio from The Photographer, I’m smiling in every shot. My makeup is natural, in a way that says she doesn’t need much makeup. Each photo captured a facet of commercial modeling; I was fresh-faced, posing with leafy greens in a colander, stretching in yoga pants and a matching sports bra, and holding a journal and a white coffee mug. In one, I wore a pantsuit and held a briefcase. In another, I wore a shimmering evening gown with dangling crystal earrings.
Each page in this portfolio tells a story, sells an object that you want to buy, or portrays a persona that you want to be. I’m girl-next-door pretty in these pages meant to convince a casting agency that I’m versatile enough to be in any advertisement. As told through this portfolio, the story of my life is as bright and pure as the sunlight filtering through the windows in the shots of me wearing a wide-brimmed straw hat and holding a single gerbera daisy beneath my chin. Although it was the first time we’d worked together without a makeup artist or assistant on set, I was accustomed to being alone with photographers and thought nothing of it.
On the first page of this portfolio, I’m wearing a green dress and sitting on a rattan lounge chair. Natural light bathes the scene. My skin is radiant. The background is out of focus, but you can make out a brick wall and a large potted plant behind me. My nails are manicured into natural French tips. I recognize myself in the photos, but the poses feel like a costume I wore once.
I would like to write a scene where I describe The Photographer moving closer to me as we shot the green dress, maybe joking about taking a close-up as he pressed the shutter. I might describe how the atmosphere changed. I could use a cliched phrase like “deer in the headlights” to illustrate how it felt when he got too close. I might say, then, that his hands were on me, and here, it could go either way. I push him off in one version. I gather my things and leave, planning to report him when I get home. In another version, because I was single, we have a passionate encounter pulled from a romance novel’s pages. We get married, and there is some variation of happily ever after in a wedding gown that costs more than my car. I don’t remember when he stopped pressing the shutter on his camera. Instead, I remember lying on the lounger, staring at the ceiling instead of at The Photographer’s head between my legs.
I drove home with the incident little more than a flyspeck in my mind. I understood what quid pro quo meant for women like me. I also knew I’d never shoot with him again.
I picked up the portfolio a few weeks later and left quickly. Then, I sat on the couch in my small apartment and looked at the photos. He’d transformed me into another person — a variant of myself who might’ve come from a privileged, storybook family with a trust fund and two loving parents. I never took the portfolio to a casting agency because I didn’t think I was good enough. To clarify, “good enough” is different from “attractive enough.” I thought they’d somehow know about my past, both in foster care and as the person I believed I was at the time, someone only good enough to take their clothes off for money.
I placed the portfolio on the top shelf of my closet and let it collect dust in a place I couldn’t reach. I went back to my life, back to $100-an-hour photoshoots. I paid my bills. I did laundry and went grocery shopping. I had panic attacks. I turned 30 a few years later and went back to school. Both portfolios — the one from The Photographer and the one with the adult magazine tear sheets — moved with me from apartment to apartment. Each bedroom closet had a top shelf that I couldn’t reach without standing on a chair, and they lived there. Out of sight, out of mind.
I didn’t know that “normalize” was the word for what I did, or that I’d been doing it since I was a child growing up with domestic violence. When the #MeToo movement gained traction, I ignored it rather than come forward with a laundry list of situations I’d put myself in. The #MeToo women could point to a perpetrator — it didn’t count if you did it to yourself. Those years were behind me, and I believed it was my fault. There was no reason to rattle the bones of long-buried skeletons.
Yet, for nothing other than the odd compulsion that makes one press at a bruise, one day I found myself trying to visualize the photos in The Photographer’s portfolio without looking at them. I remembered a headshot with soft lighting and baby-pink lip gloss. Then, I thought of the green dress. I remembered myself on the lounge chair, and I felt sick. What was this clutching pit forming at the base of my sternum, the place where my panic and anxiety always chose to take on a physical manifestation? I didn’t understand what I felt, so I pulled the portfolios from the shelf. Maybe looking at them would help. Why now, many years later, would what The Photographer did to me become a thing?
I consider what allowed me to pose nude for so many years, even as it gave me panic attacks and made me feel bad about myself. I was good at compartmentalizing; I felt like one person at the library and the gym, sans makeup and in my workout clothes, and another person when the makeup and heels came out. I knew I wasn’t two people. Then again, the young woman who wrote melodramatic poetry and wanted a friend didn’t have the same armor as the one in the green dress.
Most people envision seedy characters and illicit arrangements when they think of adult content. This wasn’t my experience. The Photographer, with his spacious condo and professional makeup artists, had the most professional team I’d ever shot with. It was also the most explicit work I’d ever done. Back then, I knew that if I didn’t make a change, I’d soon be expected to shoot content far beyond my limits. I left the industry a few short years after with a business degree and, later, a job that had nothing to do with the way I looked. It was a relief to blend in after so many years of trying to stand out.
I’ll always wonder how many other models The Photographer offered to help. I suspect that I was one of many. While I can’t speak for every model who shoots adult content, most of us are grateful when we find a friend in the business. However, rather than being a trusted friend offering to assist me in planning for my future, The Photographer abused his position of power. I remember the fear and powerlessness as clearly as I remember the dress I was wearing when I felt that way. Those feelings are a reminder that being “good enough” was something in my head, that I have the power to say no with words as well as body language, and that not everyone who offers to lend a hand can actually save you.
Note: Some details have been altered to protect the privacy of the individuals mentioned in this essay.
T.J. Butler writes fiction and essays that are not all fun and games. She is the author of “Dating Silky Maxwell,” a short story collection that Bust Magazine called “gritty, realistic, often unnerving, and far from glamorous.” Learn more about the collection and connect with her at TJButlerAuthor.com.
Need help? Visit RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Online Hotline or the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website. In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. For substance use disorder or mental health issues, call 800-662-HELP (4357) for the SAMHSA National Helpline.
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